My Holocaust

Author:Tova Reich
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780061842993
Publisher: HarperCollins

“Who is a Jew?” Maurice Messer repeated far too loudly as he stood over Krystyna, panting heavily, having found them at last after running around the camp searching for them everywhere. “What kind of a fercockte question is that to ask a mixed-up kid like this Gilguli-Shmilguli over here who doesn’t even know who he is one day to the next? The real question is, Who is a good Jew? And the answer, ladies and gentlemen, is, It depends on the size of the donation.” Then he turned to his paid employee. “What’s going on here?” he demanded. “I thought I told you to have them waiting for me by the plint’.” Krystyna glanced at him dismissively. “Madam Fifi over there decided she wanted to meditate with the hippies,” she answered smugly, swiveling her jaw perfunctorily to indicate the other side of the circle, where Gloria was happily installed on her cushion with Marano to her left and Bunny at her right. Maurice shook his head in resignation. “So where are the boys?” he asked brusquely. She pointed first to Norman, who was sitting outside the circle with his legs stretched straight out in front of him like a toddler in a sandbox, sullenly filling his helmet with mud and dirt, scooping it up, packing it in, and then flipping it over and dumping it into little rounded molds in the shape of Nazi brains, five such mounds at least lined up already like a barricade on either side of him. Next she pointed farther down the circle to where Monty was contorted in an inane imitation of the lotus position next to the redheaded ideological nudist in her poncho, attempting to enter into conversation with her like an old creep who has wandered into a coed dorm party. Maurice glanced at his son, then headed toward Monty for an unscheduled meeting regarding museum affairs.

To Monty’s astonishment, at the opposite end of the circle, not far from where the guru was enthroned, Bunny was venturing to speak up. “Hi,” she began, sliding her red-framed glasses up her nose with her index finger as her mother smiled and bobbed her blond head encouragingly. “My name is Barbara ‘Bunny’ Bacon and I just wanted to say how really really happy I am to be visiting with you here today in your circle of diverse Holocaust worshippers and especially how deeply moved I was listening to the recovered-memory testimony of Jake Koan Gilguli. I also want to tell you how much I really really appreciate your interfaith intergender inter-sexual-orientation inter-age, well, just about inter-everything, ceremony. I’m a little nervous now but I’ve got to get used to public speaking because I just got this really terrific news that I’m about to switch jobs. I’m about to become a Holocaust professional, and I’m really really excited. I just want to say that I’ve been learning a lot about the Holocaust, and I’ve concluded that what it all comes down to, like all the other problems in the world, is child abuse.

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